A new year begins

2008 will go down in memory as one of those years not worth remembering personally. Felt like I was in a weird kind of time warp where I just closed my eyes and opened them to realize that a year had gone by, I and everyone around me had grown older and the world order had changed.

Changes when they came, came gradually, the routine was the same. Office over the week, weekends spent catching up with people, movies or playing good old cricket. And then the long weekends turned up making demands, asking me to go somewhere because everyone was doing so, while sometimes all I wanted to do was take a book and relax, and sleep long hours like a baby.

Staying alone meant I realized I can do whatever I want with my time, but also came with it the realization that I need to understand and define “whatever I want”. I wanted to improve on my fitness and health and did manage it to a very good extent. Managed to read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies. But there is a yearning to do more, like sketching or music. Whether it is something I really want to do or something cool I think of to fill out time is something that am still trying to figure out. The saddest thing about the latter case is that you start learning something and even learn it well, but if the passion for it is lacking, it shows! Like with music, where the difference between a soulful, straight from the heart rendition and just a technically perfect one which you forget after a while is immense. I know, it raises quite a few questions and dilemmas and the ideal response that unless I really try it out I’ll never know, but the thing is the yearning probably never reaches a phase where I want to try it out and make it actionable.

Through the year I realized I had moved farther from religion and spirituality. Sudden attempts at reviving it remained just attempts. No, am not becoming an aethist, am far from it still, maybe am able to relate more closely to Karma than before, with a do good to the world and it will do the same back to you approach. I don’t know how long it will last, fate plays weird tricks which might push me back to spirituality or even, farther away.

So well, that was 2008 for me. Wanted to do a more point-based analysis, but I’ll let this stay. I have no expectations from 2009. I have no resolutions for the year. Its arrival almost passed by unnoticed. Probably the only thing I could expect is a less cynical attitude to most things and come out of the fatalism that seems to have gotten into me.
That would be a really good place to start!

One thought on “A new year begins

  1. what is a passion? for some ppl it seems easy, they seem to have identified what it is and are at it.. in my case i always feel if i had time, if ididn’t feel obliged to do so many obligatory stuff I would be pursuing my creativity.. but on the other hand if one was so passionate then like akka mahadevi i would’ve thrown it all away and gone questing. wonder if there is a middle road of harmony?

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