Its been more than 4 months since I landed here. Not enough time to take stock I guess. But enough time for a routine to set in and to forget that a world outside this existed somewhere far far away just 4-5 months back. That I lived through snow, rain and clouds is definitely past.
So how has it been? The first few months I felt were going to be the worst as I tried to build up something here. Turned out I was wrong. I had a great time the first few months. My cousin dropped by often and there were things happening that I had the energy for. Maybe I was trying to justify my relocation to myself. Saying this is it. This is fun etc.
4 months later, I have a routine. At work, am someone who can get things done and no longer the one just learning the ropes at the new place. I like the time in the bus. It is good fun. I like the bike commute once a week. It has always been good fun driving through Bangalore traffic when its not at its worst.
However I see myself hitting a plateau, the way it happened in Seattle. But there I was alone. There were things happening which I sought out. People coming and going to and from the city. Bangalore is the place I have returned to. The sheer magnitude of the city has never been felt before. Every person living more than 10 kms away lives in a different world. Sometimes the fact that I have moved back becomes evident with social obligations. Suddenly there are weddings to attend. Functions to go to. Some are fun. Most are obligations.
I see myself stagnating. I think that’s inevitable with every life. You hit a stage where you remain for a long time. I remember my cousin telling me “Hope you find whatever you are seeking”. I wonder if what am seeking is an escape from stagnation, a state of being in constant movement. At some level I want to settle down into a nice routine. But I guess, somewhere after a while a need/longing will rise to kick myself out of the routine.
But then there is family. Like the days my niece comes over where I sit her down (or try to) and talk to her just for the fun of it. Or when there’s a family function where we all huddle inside a stone temple in the middle of summer in parched TN, sweat pouring from our skins and get around to joking about things.
I don’t know what to make out of life. Of what’s happening with mine. I guess am always in a confused state, but then I wonder if that’s the state I chose for myself. Sometimes getting what you want and all the answers you seek might not be a good thing.
I wonder if I should ‘settle’ down in the true sense. But then I wonder if all I’ll end up doing is waiting out the inevitable in a nice little routine chosen by society which’ll make it less cumbersome. Ah, life!