It’s tradition. Yes. It’s July. There has to be a blank post as I’d be out of ideas. Yes.
Out of ideas, I am. I don’t know what to say, what to think. It’s a state of blankness. Even as I stare at the monitor I can only think of one thing to say – “why am I finishing sentences with “Yes.”?”. Yes.
It’s been 2.5 years since my return. I can’t believe time has flown so fast. I still remember my first day at work. That bus 500KC on which I staked my travel and the time of 1 hour 15 minutes promised by Google to reach my workplace. I started my commute realizing that my workplace was further up and that buses never turn up on time. A day back, after a meeting I went up to Marathahalli and took the route through the city. It was a 2 hour commute, but it also included a half-hour wait for the bus. I reached home at 7:30 PM. Strangely I wanted a longer commute in one bus. So that I could just read through a book. For some reason when I’m at home, reading in the evenings makes me feel guilty. I imagine I should be doing something more productive, like watching TV or a movie. I guess Netflix has spoiled me.
Netflix always reminds me of cozy, chilly evenings spent snuggled up in the couch with a blanket over me, a steel plate with curd rice being polished off with traces of finished off Lime pickle. Yes, 2.5 years on I can now be properly nostalgic of my time in Seattle. Considering that another cousin has moved there, I get a lot of news from there and also get to give tips, recommendations, etc based on past knowledge. And I also get to hear him tell me about restaurants he was taken to by my other cousins which he was told were my favourites. And Rainier. Yes, I miss that mountain a lot. I miss looking out for it every morning. I console myself with Savandurga which I could see from my terrace and now only when descending the slope from Chandra Layout. Unlike the nostalgia which I felt towards Bangalore, this one is just a good time being remembered. The more I take that path and immerse myself in my memories, the nostalgia and longing for Bangalore soon turns up within that and I know I can never be anywhere else. No matter how much everyone screws up this city, this is where I guess I’ll have to be. At least that’s what the current feeling is. At the rate at which it is being pillaged and destroyed, I wonder how long this will last.
2.5 years on, I wonder where I’ve come and what I’ve learnt. If I had made a todo list then, and make another one today, for plans for the next year, I guess they’ll be identical. Everything gets a process and due diligence, but that’s about it. Sometimes I wonder if I do things just for the sake of doing them paying token obeisance and then retreating to my world of books, movies and travel. As always, there is inertia that is crying out to be broken. Break it, I will. Just needs the right time. I know it’s always about the first step and I follow along from there. I can back myself, being able to wake up every damn working day at 5:45 AM, taking the first step towards brushing my teeth, promising myself the filter coffee, sleep in the bus when BTM hits etc as incentives.
In many other ways I see myself slipping back to the time before I left Bangalore. The back pain is back, almost inevitably, as the roads are abandoned by the powers-that-be. My shoulder can’t hold up for much and the weight has started going down a bit. The monsoons have meant that sickness is just around the corner and if I travel to work more than 2 days at a stretch I can feel myself falling sick. The body again demands that I look out for it a bit more. Old mistakes that need to be avoided.
Oh well; what will be, will be I guess, and thus what will not be, will not be either. Such it goes.